How Bakura Stole Christmas
by Paradox Of Life
Summary: Every duelist in Domino City liked Christmas a lot...but Bakura, hearing Marik's caroling, did not! He hated Christmas, the whole Christmas season! Now please don't ask why, no one quite knows the reason...Rated for language and use of acholol


**Hi everyone! This is a very VERY late Christmas poem that I actually wrote on Xmas Eve XD Some parts are credited to whoever it was that wrote **_**'How Megatron Stole Christmas'**_**. I have no idea who you are (my friend emailed me the poem itself ^^;) but it was awesome! But the writing and other ideas in this (like the cards chosen) belong to me…but Mega-Ultra-Chicken and the Gummy bears belong to Little Kuriboh. Long live The Abridged Series!**

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Every duelist in Domino City liked Christmas a lot…

But Bakura, hearing Marik's caroling, did NOT!

Bakura hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season! Now, please don't ask why, no one quite knows the reason. It could be that his shirt didn't right just right, or maybe his pants were just a little too tight. But I think the most likely reason of all may have been that his Ring was two sizes too small.

_Marik: Stuck with a fucking gay name like 'Florence' and I'm the only one that notices that he has compensation issues._

For tomorrow, Bakura knew, all the duelists would wake bright and early. They'd rush to the living room in a hurry. They'd see all the packets of cards and toys. And then, various people would record all the noise. Oh, the Noise! That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

_Seto: Christmas recording. Totally unnecessary._

Then the duelists, from Weevil to Yugi, would sit down to feast. And they'd feast! And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! They would feast on Christmas lamb and many'a chocolate truffle. Which was something Bakura couldn't stand at all.

And then they'd do something he liked least of all. Every duelist in the city, from the tall to the small, would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing. They'd stand hand-in-hand and the duelists would start singing.

They'd sing! And they'd Sing! And they'd SING! SING! SING! SING! And the more Bakura thought of this Christmas sing, the more the Thief King thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"

"Why, for 5000 years I've put up with it till now! I must stop Christmas from coming…but how?"

Then he got an idea. An awful idea. Bakura got a wonderful, awful idea!

"I know just what to do!" Bakura laughed deep in his throat. Then he made a quick Santy Claus hat and coat. then he chuckled and clucked, "What a great trick! With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick!"

_Ryou: Yeah, white hair and all..._

"All I need is some reindeer…" Bakura looked around. But sine it was Japan, there were none to be found. Did that stop the King Of Thieves? No! The Brit simply said, "If I can't find any reindeer, I'll make some instead!"

So he called in some cards on-the-go: the Gummy Bears, Mega-Ultra-Chicken, and Kuriboh.

_Mega-Ultra-Chicken: Is...he actually wearing a fake beard?_

_Gummy bears: Oh. Dear. Ra. Everyone, back away from the deranged psychopath slowly..._

_Kuriboh: Fuck the backing! Mega-Ultra-Chicken, get us out of here immediately!_

Then he took up some threads and tied horns on top of their heads, hitched a sleigh to their backs, then loaded it up with some bags and old sacks.

Then Bakura said, "Giddup!" and the sleigh flew on - toward where the hotel where the duelists slept 'til dawn.

The rooms were dark and quiet snow filled the night air. The duelists were dreaming card-based dreams with no cares. "This is stop number one," Bakura hissed, whipping at Kuriboh with a flick of his wrist.

_Kuriboh: This gets more humiliating and more degrading with each passing line..._

_Mega-Ultra-Chicken: Can I punch him? __Please__?_

_Gummy Bears: Not yet..._

Then he slid down the air-con, a rather tight fit for the teen. But, if Santa could do it, then so could the Thief King. He only got stuck once, grumbling and mumbling doom., then he stuck his head out in the living room, where all the duelist's stockings hung in a row. "These stockings," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant, around the whole room, and he took every present! Cards in new packets! Seto's white jacket!

_Seto: Oh no he didn't..._

_Author: *Ahem* Seto. Let me finish writing!_

Joey's dog suit! Marik's harmonic Egyptian flute! Someone's Duel Disk System! And a book titled 'Secrets Of The Past' for Atem!

Then he slunk to the lounge and he took the teen's feast. He took the chocolate pudding and the stuffed beast. He cleaned out that pantry quick as a flash. Why, he even took the last of Mai's hash!

Then he stuffed it up the vent with glee. "And now," grinned Bakura, "I will stuff up the tree!"

And Bakura grabbed the tree and started to shove, when he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove. He turned around fast and saw a slim teen! The leader of the duelists, Yami, who was shorter than he seemed.

Bakura had been caught by this teen with so many fans, who'd come looking for a hot drink after a weird dream about dancing leather pants. He stared at Bakura and said, "Santy Claus, why…why are you taking out tree?"

But you know, that thief was so smart and slick. He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick. "Why, my sweet little duelist," the fake Santa lied, "there's several lights on this tree that won't light up so bright. So I'll take it back to by workshop, my dear. I'll fix it up there and bring it back here."

And his fib fooled the ancient Pharaoh. Then he patted his head, got him a coffee, and sent him to bed. Then, after Yami went to bed with his cup, Bakura went to the vent and stuffed the tree up! Then he went up the air-con himself, the old liar. On the walls he left nothing but some hooks and some wire.

And the one bit of food he left in the house, was a piece too small for even a Shadow Louse.

_Marik: A Shadow Louse? Seriously?_

_Kuriboh: Well, why not? I mean, c'mon, look at the cards! Joey has baby dragon. Baby freaking dragon!_

_Mega-Ultra-Chicken: Uh, I don't think we're meant to be listening in, guys._

It was a quarter past dawn…all the duelists still a'bed, all the teens still sleeping when he packed up his sled. He packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings! The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!

Several stories above them he flew with his load, and over the dormant Domino City he rode. "Pooh-pooh to those idiots!" He was evilly humming. "They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming! They're waking up, I know just what they'll do. Their mouths will hang open for a minute of two, then each of them down there will cry, a great lot."

"that's a noise," grinned Bakura, "that I simply must hear!" so e paused, and bakur put a hand to his ear. And he did hear a sound rising over the snow, it started low, then it started to grow…

But this sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded…glad!

Bakura wiped his eyes and stared down in surprise, while the giant chicken and the others let out heavy sighs.

_Marik: and here's where another __**brilliant**__ plan fails..._

Every duelist in the hotel was singing, even Joey and Rex. Even with the presents gone, everyone still sung on. He hadn't stopped Christmas from coming. It came. Somehow or other, it came **just the same!**

And Bakura stood puzzling and puzzling: "How can that be so? It came without ribbons, it came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags." And he puzzled three hours, till the cards could fly no more, then Bakura thought something he hadn't before. "Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps…means a little bit more."

_Mega-Ultra-Chicken: Oh, just hurry up already! My wings are about to fall off here! Bloody stupid writers and their stupid slow typing..._

_Author: I do not type slow! You want me to stop now and just leave you hovering there for eternity?_

_Mega-Ultra-Chicken: Ack! No no no!_

And what happened then? Well, all the local duelists say that Bakura's ring grew three sizes larger that day.

And the moment that the spirit didn't feel so slight, he whizzed with his load through the bright morning light. He brought back the presents and food for the feast. And he…Bakura himself…carved the Christmas beast.

_Yami: *cough* I wasn't fooled for a moment!_

_Marik: If I controlled the Ring...oh never mind..._

_Author: Sheesh, too many 'Ring' references. I didn't know if this was Yu-Gi-Oh, or a crossover with 'Lord Of The Rings'..._

_Gummy Bears: Three hours flying in circles and he brings it all back. What a waste of time... *goes back into card form*_

_Mega-Ultra-Chicken: My wings hurt sooooo bad..._

_Seto: I was not singing._

_Joey: Aww, c'mon you know you liked it *slap* ow!_

_Seto: Alright, now where's that gay limey idiot? He stole my fucking coat! _

_Bakura: I am not a gay limey, I'm just British! O.o oh crap...*runs*_

_Seto: Prepare to feel the wrath of Seto Kai-*thump crash smash bump*_

_Yugi: Seto freaking Kaiba. Yeah, we know. Wait, did he just fall down the stairs?_

_Tea: Yup._

_Yugi: So he's the one that drank all Yami's stash! I wanted that! I mean…uh…oh damn…_

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**I am so drawing this… XD it was so funny how I could image it in my head while writing this, but now I need to get it out…bugger. I was actually up till 2am writing this, just because it was so freaking hot down here and I couldn't sleep. Don't worry, I didn't tackle Santa when I saw him…though if it had been Bakura, that would've been a different story… :D**


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